


The Real Shiro

by thinkpink



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, JuLance Challenge 2018, M/M, Minor Violence, Romance, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, look guys a non au from me!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15211841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkpink/pseuds/thinkpink
Summary: When Allura revives Shiro, Lance realizes the man he's been sharing a bed - and his heart - with is the not the person he thought they were.





	The Real Shiro

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after season 6 and I'm pretty sure everything is exactly the same except that the castle hasn't been destroyed because - what the fuck - I am still in denial.
> 
> (also this is my 2nd submission for the #JuLance challenge, on day 7 nbd, I'm the worst)
> 
> Super unedited, Ao3 is giving me hell today. Lemme know if anything is a mess!

Shiro was back.

The _real_ Shiro.

Apparently, the person they’d been sharing their ship with had been a clone the entire time.

The person Lance had fallen in love with, was not the person he’d believed them to be.

Looking back on it, he should have known. 

Shiro had never been interested in him prior to his confrontation with Zarkon. And while he’d seemed much the same after his apparent return, there were subtle differences that everyone had noticed. 

He’d seemed unsure, where before he had only shown unfailing bravery and leadership. It had been refreshing, honestly, and one of the things that had caught Lance’s attention. As someone who had always struggled with feelings of insecurity, seeing the Black Paladin’s lack of confidence in his own decisions had been somewhat of an equalizer. 

Shiro had also been so much more vulnerable. His former calm and collected exterior cracked under the pressure of expectation. Lance, a naturally empathetic person, had found himself drawn to Shiro, his desire to help the older man almost overwhelming. 

And of course, his temper had been so much quicker to flare. 

Lance believed this to be the reason they ever became involved in the first place.

Shiro had shouted at him, for something so minor, inconsequential, and Lance couldn’t help but yell back. Had the rest of the team been there, maybe Lance would have been able to better control himself, but he had been taking so much flak from the Black Paladin and something had snapped. 

He’d stepped angrily into Shiro’s personal space, part of him concerned over the man and an equal part just as pissed off. 

It had been Shiro, for sure, who had made the first move, and before Lance understood what was happening his back was pressed to the training room wall, shirt pushed up under his armpits to give Shiro access. The other man’s hands roaming over his chest, scratching his hips, winding his arms around his waist while his knee pressed up and between Lance’s rapidly spreading legs. 

Shiro’s mouth moved from his own, to his neck – kissing, licking, biting. Lance could feel the blood capillaries breaking, what was sure to be fat hickeys littering his upper body. 

Lance couldn’t figure out where to put his hands at first, they coasted up Shiro’s strong shoulders before running up into his hair, pulling none-too-gently. He finally settled them on the small of his back, pressing Shiro into him, signaling his desire to remain where they were. 

Shiro ignored the touch and stepped away. Lance could only barely contain a whine, worried the other man had come to his senses, but Shiro merely dropped to his knees, tugging down Lance’s workout shorts and swallowing down his embarrassingly hard dick.

He really did whine then, high and needy, as the leader of Voltron proceeding to enthusiastically suck him off. Lance came in record time, Shiro swallowing everything without hesitation, and he barely had time to feel self-conscious, because Shiro was standing again, pressing their mouths together wetly.

Lance could taste himself and he moaned, breathing ragged, when he felt Shiro’s heavy, erect cock through his own clothes. He started to push away, adamant that he return the favor when Shiro stopped him, kissing his neck and holding him in place. 

The older man looked up at him then, making eye contact for the first time since they’d started. His pupils were blown and his face flush, as obviously wrecked as Lance himself felt. He worried then, that Shiro would snap out of whatever rage fueled lust he had given into – snap out of it and leave Lance, never to talk about it again – when he pressed forward once more, dipping his tongue into Lance’s mouth.

Lance found himself spun around then, his shorts still shoved down right above his knees. He had a moment of anxiety – it wasn’t like they kept lube stashed around the castle! But then Shiro pressed up tightly against him, his own pants had been pushed down, and his cock slid softly against Lance’s backside. Lance couldn’t help feeling giddy when he realized the tip was slick with precum. Shiro had been that turned on by sucking his dick. _Fuck._

A hand covered his mouth then, and for the first time Shiro spoke, “Lick.” 

Catching on quickly, he gathered all the saliva in his mouth and pressed it into Shiro’s palm, dragging his tongue over the longest center crease. Shiro growled lightly and bit at his neck, and Lance dropped his head back, giving the other man more access.

Shiro slicked his own cock quickly, then pressed it in between the valley of his thighs, sliding all the way until Lance felt it against firmly his balls. His hands settled of Lance’s waist, who helpfully squeezed his legs tightly together to create more friction, popping his ass out just slightly to make it even more enticing. 

Shiro pressed his forehead against the top of Lance’s spine, before he pulled back and thrust, Lance’s saliva and sweat lubricating everything nicely. 

Lance’s hand came up to tangle in Shiro’s cropped hair, holding on as best he could as the other man used his body. Lance was just starting to feel his own dick harden again when Shiro pressed him flush against the wall, groaning in his ear as he came. Oddly, the sticky warmth that spread behind Lance’s balls only made him more turned on. 

It also could have been the fact that Shiro had moaned, “Fuck, _Lance.”_

Up until that moment, Lance had been sure this was just Shiro taking advantage of a willing partner. Maybe even, God forbid, thinking about someone else.

Thinking about Keith…

Lance wasn’t fucking stupid, he’d seen the way they looked at each other.

But right then, Shiro had been completely his. Totally invested in him, Lance.

And weirdly enough, it continued that way. For almost a year, Shiro had been his. 

And maybe he wasn’t the exact same person that Lance had first had a crush on at the Garrison, but who of them was? Shiro had suffered horribly at the hands of the Galra and it showed, in the scars on his body and his mind. 

Lance had woken up with him after a nightmare enough times to know. He knew what PTSD was, he could recognize it in the man who shared his bed. The man he’d fallen in love with. The man he _knew_ loved him back.

It wasn’t just sex, there had been real honest feelings. Nights spent talking about their past lives, their dreams of the future. Shared showers and movie nights, giggling fits and snack binges. 

Lance had never known a love like the one he and Shiro had. It was breathtaking. 

And then Keith had shown up, older and more in control. He’d had his fucking mom and a wolf and an Altean and _what the fuck?!_

And in the span of a few hours he’d destroyed everything Lance thought to be real.

Now Shiro, the real Shiro, was back. 

After his revival, Lance had stood around only long enough to not make it obvious he was sneaking off. He’d headed straight to his Lion where he’d proceeded to sob until he hyperventilated. After he’d calmed down and his eyes were dry, he’d followed everyone back to the castle. 

 

With the damage to the castle, it would be some time before they could make it to Earth. Coran informed them that the time it would take to repair the teleduv was extensive, and that they should all use the opportunity to relax and recuperate from their recent fight.

Lance made it a point to remain in his room as much as possible. He’d never been so homesick in his life, desperate to be near his family, to spend time with someone not involved with an intergalactic space war. To just feel normal for five fucking minutes.

Shiro did not seek him out.

It was honestly weird being in his room. Lance hadn’t slept there in months, much preferring the Black Paladin’s more comfortable quarters. Half of his clothes were there still, but he’d already written them off, content to wear the same three outfits rather than going to get his stuff back.

It wasn’t like he’d changed out of his sweatpants in over a week anyway.

Hunk attempted to rouse him from his funk multiple times, but after being shot down every single try, he eventually gave up. Pidge shouted through the door for him to come play video games, come screw around in the training room, come play cards, but Lance ignored her every time.

Even Allura stopped by a few times, her soft melodic voice offering an ear, if he wanted to talk.

They all knew about him and Shiro. It wasn’t like it was a secret. 

Keith didn’t know though. He’d been gone for almost the entirety of their relationship, and any time he’d been around, Lance had gone out of his way to ensure that he didn’t find out. 

Shiro had never questioned it, even though Lance could tell he’d wanted to.

How did you tell your boyfriend that you were worried about his past love interest, when said boyfriend had never brought the relationship up in the first place? 

Lance was down to antagonize Keith in every way except where it came to Shiro. It was too risky. What if he decided he wanted Shiro back? How could Lance compete with him, with what they’d had in the past? 

What they clearly still had…

It wasn’t lost on Lance that Keith had remained on the ship, and that he wasn’t sleeping in his own room, which shared a wall with him.

Lance wasn’t sure when they would be capable of interdimensional travel again, or even if they would run into the milky way before then, since he was avoiding everyone too much to ask. He figured it had to be soon though, it had already been two weeks. Repairs couldn’t be taking that long, right? He was starting to feel crazy from spending so much time in his room. 

It was currently the middle of the night and Lance hadn’t heard a noise from the rest of the castle in a while, he had listened to Hunk and Pidge retire to bed hours ago. Shiro’s room was farther away but he always kept to a fairly strict schedule, an early riser. 

He opened the door and peeked out the hall. Clear. Leaving off his shoes to avoid noise, Lance padded down the hall in his dirty sweatpants and Shiro’s tank top. 

He stopped in the kitchen, grabbing the plate of leftovers that Hunk had left for him, before heading towards the upper level observatory. Eating in the kitchen was too chancy, anyone awake in the middle of the night was most likely to stop there.

The thing he liked the most about the observatory was that it was the best place to hide, despite all of the wide sprawling windows. It was a long corridor, with half walls every ten feet that created the perfect nooks to sit in and watch the passing nebulae. 

He made for his usual corner, all the way at the end of the hall, and did an abrupt turn around but of course, this was Lance and his shitty fucking life so of course he was seen immediately.

“Lance,” Shiro began to stand, his hand reaching out to grab Lance, who jumped away as if he’d been burned.

“Sorry!” Lance forced a laugh, avoiding eye contact. “Sorry, I didn’t see you, but uh, I’m gonna go!”

“Wait, Lance, please stay!” Shiro’s voice was strained, and it tugged at Lance’s heart enough for him to turn around and look at the other man. 

Shiro’s eyes were bloodshot, with dark half-moons underneath. His hair was wintery white, glinting from the starlight through the windows. But that wasn’t the most surprising.

“Your arm!” Lance exclaimed, gesturing vaguely. 

Shiro looked down before shrugging, holding his bright white prosthetic in front of him, his fingers all moving one by one to touch the palm before straightening out, a wave. Two bright blue lines of neon light ran towards the shoulder.

“Allura made it for me,” he said.

“It’s pretty,” Lance said, then immediately fought a blush. _It’s pretty? Get a fucking grip Lance._

Shiro huffed a laugh, but it lacked any feeling. “I guess. It’s pretty fancy, from what she told me.” He’d settled back down on the floor, arms propped on his folded knees, looking up at Lance.

“That’s cool,” Shiro’s steady gaze was making Lance very aware of his own messy appearance. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d showered. He was also wearing a tank top much too large for him – Shiro’s. “Well I’ll, uh, see you around…”

Then again, Shiro didn’t look much better. “Please stay.”

Lance had never wanted to leave more in his life, but Shiro’s voice held him to the spot. He couldn’t bring himself to move, and stood awkward in front of the other man, his plate of rapidly cooling food in one hand. 

“Sit down,” Shiro waved towards the floor beside him, and Lance, weak ass Lance, did exactly as he was told.

“How have you been?” Shiro asked, once they were both settled.

Lance looked at the food on the floor in front of him, his stomach in knots. “Fine,” he said, after a weird amount of time had passed.

“I remember everything,” Shiro blurted suddenly, his new Altean arm reaching out to grab Lance.

Lance yanked his hand back immediately, looking at Shiro with wide, horrified eyes. 

“I died fighting Zarkon, and I have memories of my time on the astral plane, but when Allura took my spirit or being or _whatever_ I was and put me back in this body, it’s like it assimilated all of his memories with mine.” He looked at Lance then, who had yet to stop looking like a deer in the headlights. “It’s like they all happened to me.”

Lance continued to stare before he finally said, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

To his horror, Shiro’s eyes sparkled with liquid, the soft light glimmering off the tears gathering there. He pressed his palms against his eyes quickly, to cut off the flow before it started. “I don’t know what I want you to say.”

Lance could feel the answering wetness in his own eyes, it was impossible not to, watching the man he loved beyond words struggle to come to grips with his own reality. But he could offer no comfort. He had no idea where they stood. 

“You don’t owe me anything Shiro,” Lance finally said. “Just cause some clone thought he was you and lived your life, it’s, I don’t know, whatever.”

Shiro looked up, grief in his eyes, “Lance, you have to understand-“

“No, I do!” He interrupted before moving to stand up, “You had a life and someone else took the driver’s seat for a while but you’re back so you know, go on back to that old life, that’s what everyone expects, we all get it. I’m just gonna go, I can’t-“

Shiro jumped up immediately after him, “No, God dammit Lance, stop putting words in my mouth.” He reached out to grab the Red Paladin’s wrists, stopping him from escaping.

Lance was angry then, his eyes hard, “Look I don’t want to have this conversation at all so fucking – let me go!” He pulled harshly, attempting to tug out of the other man’s grip but Shiro held firm.

They struggled until Lance found himself pressed back against the windows, Shiro looming over him. His hands held Lance’s wrists up against above his head. It was a position they’d been in many times, Lance always loved the way Shiro manhandled him and moved him like he weighed nothing, like a doll. Shiro had loved the chance to give into his more dominant, controlling side in a way that didn’t instill fear. 

Now though, Lance was afraid. He didn’t know this man standing in front of him, not really. Shiro was probably angry, upset that Lance had taken advantage of him. Had jumped at the opportunity to be with him when clearly Shiro had been out of sorts.

Shiro leaned forward, touching their foreheads together, and Lance pressed backwards, flush against the glass. He held his breath, his eyes squeezed tight.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Shiro asked finally.

Lance’s eyes snapped open then, and he looked up, shoving Shiro’s face away, “Let me go!”

Shiro did, taking a step back, eyes wide. “Lance, why-“

“Stop, Shiro, just stop.” Lance could feel his chest heaving – he tried to take deep breaths, desperately attempting to avoid a panic attack in front of the other man. Shiro had seen him freak out multiple times, had become adept at guiding Lance back from the edge, but that was before. That was a totally different person. And the last thing he wanted was to appear weak in front of this man. 

“I don’t want to talk about this with you!” His voice was too high, but Lance didn’t seem to be able to control it.

“Since when can’t we talk about things?” Shiro asked, real hurt in his eyes.

Lance threw his hands up, “I don’t even know you! You literally just referred to _his memories_ so why would I tell you anything? When really I just want to talk to _him?”_

“Lance,” Shiro’s hands were grasping at his own hair, the white strands pulled tight. “I phrased that wrong. The... clone, who was here. It was still me. Had my memories, felt all of my feelings. If I’d seen it from the outside – I understand how it would look otherwise, but being here now, in this body… There is no _him._ Just me.”

“I don’t… know if I believe that,” Lance told him, his voice tired. He felt worn out, stretched thin.

Shiro looked up at him at that, stepping closer, but pausing when he saw the way Lance flinched. “I love you, Lance.” 

Lance had to fight the urge to say it back, like they had done countless times. It was a struggle to stop himself from moving the few feet into Shiro’s space, letting the older man wrap him up in his arms. 

His eyes narrowed, “Oh yeah, and how’s Keith?”

Shiro had the grace to look ashamed, “Lance, you don’t understand,” he began but the Red Paladin was already turning around.

“I don’t need to,” he shot over his shoulder, before picking up the pace to a quick jog. What was dignity anyway, he didn’t need any. 

He made it back to his room before he allowed himself to cry, throwing himself face first into the pillow to muffle the sobs.

It was three days later when someone beat on his door, a heavy pounding that wouldn’t let up no matter how long Lance held still in his bed, pretending he wasn’t there.

“I know you’re in there, Lance!” Keith’s voice called, his fist still striking the metal door rhythmically. 

When it became clear Keith had no intention of leaving, Lance jumped from the bed, dragging the blankets and sheets to spill across the floor, throwing open the door suddenly.

 _”What_ the fuck _do you want?”_ He cried, eyes wild.

Keith took a step back, alarmed, before his face hardened and he pushed into the room, the door sliding shut behind him. 

“Why are you ignoring Shiro?” He asked bluntly.

Lance paused, surprised that Keith was privy to his and Shiro’s standoff, before he rolled his eyes. Of course Keith knew. Shiro probably told him everything. Keith probably knew all about their relationship, about how stupid little Lance had fallen all over him, had told Shiro he loved him, begged him to fuck him. They had probably laughed about it. Idiotic Lance, thinks he’s special. Thinks someone like Takashi Shirogane would actually want him. Ha-ha. 

Lance sat down suddenly on the bed, all of the fight in him gone.

Keith looked around the room, taking in the mess of clothes and blankets spilled across the floor and desk, cups and plates stacked on his desk and nightstand. He finally came back to Lance, who could only imagine how he looked. He had put absolutely zero effort into taking care of himself or his space in weeks. All he wanted was to get home to Earth and to lay in his own bed, in his mama’s house. To have her pet his hair and tell him everything would be okay, that that boy wasn’t even that important, that there would be someone else who really mattered one day. 

Lance put his hands in his face and sighed, “Please leave.”

“No Lance, what’s going on with you?” Keith’s voice seemed deeper, apparently gaining some height wasn’t the only growing he’d done.

“Why do you even care?!” Lance looked up, holding his hands out to the room around them. “We’re not friends Keith, you don’t need to come play hero now that you’re the leader again. Just let me fucking be alone.”

“I _do_ care, and even if I didn’t care about _you,_ asshole, I sure as hell care about Shiro and he’s miserable because of you.”

Lance reached for an empty glass on his bedside table lightning fast, throwing it directly at Keith’s head, who dodged quickly, cringing when it shattered against the wall behind him. He turned to look, which was his mistake, because Lance threw another one and it hit him squarely in the side of the face before bouncing off and cracking against the floor.

“Get out of my fucking room, I don’t owe you shit!” Lance jumped up, pushing against Keith’s face and shoulders, unmindful of the glass he was stepping in. 

Keith regained his wits quickly, and turned to push back at Lance, before he looked down to see the bloody footprints on the floor.

“Jesus Lance, calm down!” 

“Stop telling me what to do!” He was too tired to fight though, when Keith lifted him up and threw him back on the bed.

He let his head fall back against the mattress, and didn’t struggle when Keith grabbed his ankles, kneeling down in front of his feet. Keith sighed deeply.

“This is not going to come out easy,” he told him, as he slid out the first large shard of glass from the ball of Lance’s foot.

He hissed and tried to jerk away but Keith’s grip on his ankle was firm.

Keith continued to pull the biggest pieces of glass out before he pulled his Marmoran Blade from his belt, and dug the tip into his heel, prying out the small slivers. “I don’t know where you got the idea that I don’t care about you Lance, but I do.” He switched feet, grasping a long piece between his fingers as he slid it out. 

“Clearly,” Lance grit out, eyeing the slowly growing pile of bloody glass on the bed. 

Keith huffed and rolled his eyes, before he brushed his hand over both of Lance’s feet, checking for any remaining glass. Lance curled his toes slightly, eyes narrowing slightly at the sting. Keith must have felt satisfied by what he found because he gathered the wet shards from the bed into his hand and moved to dump them in the trash. 

He looked at the remaining glass on the floor and asked Lance, “Do you have a broom?”

“Sit down Keith, you’re not my maid.” Lance looked away embarrassedly but moved over to make room for Keith on the bed.

“You need to bandage that up, some of the glass was really deep.” He sat down in the space Lance had made him.

Lance shrugged and gestured to Keith’s face, “Yeah well, you’re probably going to need an ice pack or something.” 

Keith scrunched his face in confusion before grimacing in pain, his hand coming up to touch the rapidly darkening bruise beside his eye. “Right, thanks for that one.”

Lance didn’t bother looking ashamed. Just because Keith had played nurse didn’t mean he was over everything.

“Why are you here Keith,” Lance asked, and held up a hand before the other man could speak. “I mean seriously, if you’re so worried about Shiro why aren’t you with him?”

“I have been with him, which is why I know he needs to talk to you.” Keith turned fully to face him. “Lance, he’s really freaking out. His whole word was just flipped upside down.”

“Yeah well, so was mine.” Lance looked away.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Keith’s voice was getting angry again.

Lance changed tactics, “Where have you been sleeping since you came back to the castle?”

Keith’s eye widened, and Lance was sure he saw the hint of a blush, before his face grew angry. “With Shiro, not that he’s ever actually asleep since he can’t go an hour without nightmares.”

Lance felt something in his chest ache at that knowledge, but he steeled himself before saying, “Well at least he has you there.”

“What the fuck dude, he’s your boyfriend!” Keith was practically shouting, “Or now that you know you’re going back to Earth you’re just what, over it? Can’t wait to get back to some girl you’ve got waiting for you?”

Lance turned huge eyes on the man beside him, “What? No! I _love_ Shiro, I don’t have some girlfriend on Earth, what are you even talking about?”

“Then why the fuck have you been hiding out in your room since the battle with Lotor?” Keith breathed deep and attempted to regulate his volume to continue, “Is it… because Shiro looks different or…?”

Lance rolled his eyes, “Ugh, no, don’t be an ass.”

“Then tell me what’s going on in that hamster wheel you call a brain!”

“Why have you been sleeping in Shiro’s room?” Lance asked instead.

“Oh my God!” Keith threw his hands in the air, “Are you jealous? Is that what this is?”

“I’m not jealous, dickhead, I’m just stepping out of the way!” Lance was ready to throw something else at Keith, why couldn’t he just get the picture and go back to his own life. Obviously, he was jealous, but it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it.

“Stepping out of the way of what?” Now Keith just looked confused.

“You and Shiro,” Lance waved his hand through the air, “Whatever you two have going on.”

Keith leaned over then and punched him in the arm, hard.

“Ow, what the fuck!” Lance rubbed his hand over the muscle, it was definitely going to bruise.

“You mean to tell me you’ve been sleeping with Shiro this entire time and thought he and I were a thing?”

“Well I didn’t think you were still a thing when we were together, but clearly you two are a thing again so I’m _trying_ to be the bigger person and let you assholes be together.”

“We’re not a thing!” Keith threw his hands up, exasperated. 

Lance gave him a disbelieving look. 

“Seriously Lance, we’re not a thing. I love Shiro, so much, more than you, _evidently,_ but it’s never been romantic or sexual or anything like that.”

“But you both…” Lance wasn’t sure what to say. You both stare at each other like the sun shines out of your assholes. You hug and touch so casually, in a way Lance would never be brave enough to do, you both so obviously love each other.

“I’ve known Shiro since I was a kid. He’s been there for me too many times to count. He’s my brother in every sense of the word.” Keith looked at him then. “I’ve been sleeping in his room because he shouldn’t be alone right now. Shiro holds people at a distance, he’ll always choose to suffer alone rather than inflict his pain on someone else.”

“I know…” Lance replied lowly.

“Then why aren’t you with him?”

Lance hesitated, trying to organize his thoughts. “Shiro never liked me before… before he died. And the clone that came back, that wasn’t Shiro. And yeah, I thought it was, hell _he_ thought he was, but he wasn’t. Shiro said he still has the same memories but that doesn’t change the fact that the Shiro here and now, he wouldn’t have chosen to be with me.”

Lance looked up at Keith beseechingly, “You have to see it how I do Keith, I’m not an idiot. Shiro woke back up in his body to find that he’d been taken advantage of by someone on his team. It’s like a hooked up with a drunk person at a party, he didn’t consent to any of this.”

Keith’s eyes were wide, Lance could tell he was beginning to understand Lance’s concerns. 

“And maybe the real Shiro has those memories, but he also has control of his body back and the ability to make his own choices. What happens when his memories fade? Love isn’t just some state of being, this isn’t a fucking Nicholas Sparks novel, love is a choice. It’s a choice you have to make every single day.” Lance felt himself deflate, leaning back against the wall.

“So why are you taking that choice away from him?” Keith asked.

At Lance’s look of shock, he continued, “I’m not going to pretend I’ve been in love, but if what you’re saying is true then it sounds like Shiro is choosing to continue to love you and you aren’t letting him.”

“I…” Lance didn’t know what to say.

“And I don’t completely understand how everything is working for Shiro right now. He’s tried to explain some of it to me, Allura too, but it seems like the Shiro we’ve been sharing a space with for the past year _was_ the Shiro we know. I don’t really understand but honestly, if anyone should be telling you this it’s Shiro himself.”

Keith finally moved off the bed, and Lance heard the crunch of glass under his boots. He turned to leave but paused before he opened the door, “And for the record, Shiro did like you before everything. He just doesn’t let himself indulge in anything easily.”

Lance sat in bed for a while afterwards, going over everything they’d talked about. Eventually he looked around the room, taking in the dishes and clothes and broken glass. 

He’d really been wallowing.

Lance got up then, tip toeing gently around the glass and grabbing the broom he kept in his closet to sweep everything up. After that he gathered his sheets and blankets, crossing his hallway to drop them down a chute and grab a new set from the linen closet. He stacked all of the plates and dishes, walking them down to the kitchen, before returning to his room to fold and hang all of his clothes. 

Once his room was clean he stripped down and showered, not skipping a step of his extensive beauty routine. He bandaged the worst of the cuts on his feet, wrapping white tape around the arch of one. He changed into his favorite baby blue Calvin Klein boxer briefs and a white tee shirt with a pair of soft, fitted denim jeans. He would have thrown his beloved olive jacket on top, but it was currently hanging in Shiro’s closet. 

Sighing to himself, he looked in the mirror one last time. He looked good. Better than he had in weeks for sure. He rubbed his hand over his neck, running it up to fluff his hair. 

He could do this. 

It was late by the time Lance left his room, the castle quiet. He walked slowly, in no rush to confront everything, but he reached the door before he knew it. 

Sighing, he knocked, and stepped back when it slid open almost immediately. 

Keith was standing in the door, his bruised cheek now more of a black eye. Lance winced.

“Oh perfect, you’re here.” He pushed at Lance’s chest until he had enough room to leave and turned back to tell Shiro, “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

Shiro was sitting shirtless on the bed, grey sweatpant clad legs folded into lotus position. His eyes were wide as he looked at Lance.

Lance entered the room and neither of them noticed as Keith left, the door closing behind him.

“Do you want to sit?” Shiro asked him, gesturing towards the mattress, despite the chair that was situated towards the bed that Keith must have been sitting in.

Lance nodded, not trusting his voice, before moving to sit on the soft bed besides him. 

They sat in silence for a bit, before Lance finally said, “I’m sorry about the other night.”

Shiro shook his head, “I get it, uhm, Keith kind of explained why you were freaking out.”

Lance rolled his eyes, “Oh good.” 

Shiro smiled softly, “Lance, I understand how weird this must be for you.”

“For me?” Lance looked at him, shocked. “Shiro you lived on an astral plane for over a year and woke up in the body of someone in love with Lance McClain, if anyone should be freaking out it’s you.”

Shiro turned to better face him, and Lance pulled his legs up onto the bed, crossing them in front of him. This must have distracted Shiro from whatever he was going to say because he reached out to grab Lance’s feet, “What happened?”

Lance looked down, surprised at the touch, “Oh uh, broken drinking glass, I was being stupid,” he blushed. 

Shiro made a soft tsking noise, “Baby…”

Lance looked up at that, his eyes suddenly wet. “Do you really remember everything?” He asked softly.

“Everything,” Shiro’s voice was firm. “It’s… It’s almost like being in the Black Lion was a dream? And everything that happened here was real. Except sometimes that feels backwards too.” 

He looked up suddenly, grabbing for Lance’s hand. “This body, it was created from my thoughts and memories. All of my emotions and feelings went into it, it’s what made it so believable. And while it definitely made some choices I wouldn’t have… Being with you wasn’t one of them. I’m almost happy this happened because trust me, I never would have come on to you on my own.”

Lance made a face, and Shiro waved his hands before huffing, “No, ugh, that’s not what I mean.”

“I think I get it…” Lance started but Shiro cut him off again.

“I liked you Lance, and my less-in-control-self gave me the chance to give in to that, without overthinking everything.”

Lance reached forward to grab Shiro’s hands, when it became clear the other man was done speaking. He looked up and took a moment to really study him. 

Shiro looked like shit. His eyes were puffy and lined with red veins, making him look a little drunk. His snowy hair was greasy, sticking up in every direction. His skin was sallow, making the dark scar across the bridge of his nose stand out even more obvious. His lips were dry and chapped, it was obvious he had been biting them, a habit Lance often got on to him about. 

“Just kiss me every time I’m doing it,” Shiro had told him once with a smile, after Lance han pulled his bottom lip out of his teeth.

Despite all of this he was still stunningly beautiful, still made Lance’s heart ache and his stomach flip with butterflies. 

“I’m so sorry,” Lance said, pushing forward, wrapping his arms around Shiro tightly, pressing their cheeks together. 

He felt Shiro stiffen briefly before he let out a breath, relaxing again the Red Paladin. 

“I can’t imagine how overwhelming this entire thing has been and I made it all about me, I’m sorry Shiro, you deserve so much better.” His breath hitched, and he squeezed his eyes closed to stave off the tears threatening to fall. 

“You’re allowed to have feelings, Lance,” Shiro told him, his own arms coming up to wrap around Lance, pulling the smaller man into his lap to straddle his thighs.

Lance huffed a laugh, “So are you.” Lance could feel the small smile Shiro pressed into his neck. 

“See, we make a perfect pair, we’re both terrible at this,” Shiro told him, squeezing tightly. 

Lance pulled back, his hands coming up to cup Shiro’s head, “Hey, speak for yourself, this part I’m great at,” he smiled softly, sliding his lips along Shiro’s neck and cheek until he could slot their mouths together.

There was a hesitancy behind Shiro’s kiss that Lance had never felt before. As they licked into each other, tongues sliding wetly, Lance could tell that Shiro was holding back, almost… nervous.

He pulled away with a soft pop, “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Shiro laughed humorlessly, “No, I am absolutely not sure I’m okay. But I love you and I want this more than anything.”

Lance searched his face, blue eyes flickering to black, and was content with what he saw there. 

He nodded gently, “Okay… Okay. Don’t, uh, don’t hold back then.”

Something familiar flashed in Shiro’s eyes, a look Lance had never seen in their bedroom before. _Competitiveness._

It hit Lance suddenly – Shiro was _jealous._ Of himself! 

Lance couldn’t help the faint giggle before he dove back in, holding Shiro’s head in place to kiss him deeply, intensely. 

Shiro moaned low in his throat and Lance felt his world tilting, as the larger man flipped them both until Lance was on his back, his legs spread wide and knees in the air. 

Shiro pulled back suddenly, “I haven’t showered in like… days,” he was blushing.

Lance rolled his eyes, “Oh my God, who cares!” He grabbed at Shiro’s shoulders, urging the other man to resume his position above him. 

They continued to kiss, Shiro’s hard cock pressing through his sweatpants and Lance’s jeans, until Lance couldn’t stand it anymore, his hips rolling upwards in search of friction. 

Shiro sat back, pulling Lance up just enough to whip his tee shirt off, fingers making quick work of the buttons on his pants. 

Lance watched as he tugged at the material, taking in the view. Once his pants were off, Shiro sat back to look at his underwear. “I always liked these,” he said, his finger sliding under the waist band.

Lance blushed and tried to ignore the relief he felt at the admission. Shiro really did remember everything. 

“I really like your hair,” he blurted, which cause Shiro to look up from his crotch.

He made a disbelieving face, “Really?” Lance felt himself melt a little at the flash of insecurity. Shiro tried so hard not to care about what people thought about him, but after all their time together Lance could see right through him.

“Yeah,” he pulled Shiro down against him, laying back to wrap his arms around his shoulders, running his fingers through the pale locks. “Very Silver Fox.” 

Shiro rolled his eyes but he smiled slightly, Lance continued, “Very Daddy,” this made Shiro laugh. 

He loved that fucking laugh, Lance would have died a thousand different ways just to hear him make it. It was especially good when they were like this, in bed, wrapped around each other. 

Shiro pressed a kiss against his neck, before he thrust his hips gently, pressing their erections against each other. Lance moaned, his eyelids fluttering closed, and he ran his hand down Shiro’s muscular back, finger nails dragging lightly against the skin.

Shiro made a rumbling noise and rolled his hips again before pulling back once more, sliding Lance’s boxers off in a practiced move, before shuffling out of his own pants. Once they were both naked, he laid back down, pressing their bodies from hip to shoulders. 

Lance put all of his emotions into their kiss, every fear, every ounce of longing, his home sickness, his relief, everything poured from his mouth into Shiro’s – licking, nipping and sucking along the other man’s lips, jawline, neck. 

Shiro broke away, leaning to the edge of the bed to feel underneath the mattress, pulling out a half empty tube of lubricant. Lance took this small bit of space to flip over, keeping his stomach pressed to the mattress but his ass upturned. 

Shiro ran both hands down his sides, leaning back to pressing warm open-mouthed kisses to his spine, sucking here and there to leave a mark. Once his fingers were coated in lube he slid them down the cleft in Lance’s ass, rubbing firmly before pressing inside, his single middle finger joined quickly by another. 

Lance closed his eyes and pressed his hands to the mattress, moving his hips backwards into the intrusion. He clenched his jaw but couldn’t contain the whimper that rose from his throat. 

Shiro plunged his fingers as deeply as they would go, searching for that spot, the right crook of his fingers, the exact press-

“Oh, fuck!” Lance cried, his body shuddering slightly at the feeling. 

Shiro pulled his fingers out to gather more lube before sliding them in again, this time glazing his rim with the viscous gel, then sliding his hand over Lance’s perineum, cupping his balls and stroking his heavy erection. He used the same hand to slick his own cock.

Lance spread his legs eagerly, arching his back invitingly, he looked behind himself to make eye contact with the man touching him. “Please, Kashi,” he said, blue eyes warm and pleading. 

“Lance, _Lance, Lance, Lance,”_ Shiro chanted as he moved forward, pressing his chest to the Red Paladin’s back, positioning his cock at the wet hole waiting for him.

They both moaned as he pushed inside, and Lance’s hand came up behind him, clutching at his hair. He turned his face, pressing their mouths together as Shiro set a comfortable pace, then pulled back and let his eyes wander all over the other man’s face and hair. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Lance panted, and couldn’t help smiling when Shiro’s cheeks pinked. “You’re always so fucking sexy but your hair… It’s really doing something to me.”

Shiro smiled and growled slightly before pressing his face into Lance’s neck, biting down none too gently. 

Lance moaned at the feeling, rocking his hips backwards as much as their position allowed. Shiro supported himself on his organic hand but he ran his Altean one all over Lance’s back and side, before sliding up his stomach, leaning forward to wrap around his throat. He squeezed gently, and Lance cried out, his mouth dropping open. 

Lance leaned his face downward until Shiro got the hint, sliding his hand up and pressing his fingers into his mouth for him to suck on. 

With the way Shiro was holding his mouth open, it was impossible to keep back any noise, and the room was filled with soft “Ah, ah, ah” from Lance every time the other man thrust into him. 

Once his hand was soaked with saliva, a good bit of it dripping down Lance’s chin, Shiro hauled them both back, this left arm wrapped around Lance’s chest like a steel band. He sat back on his feet and settled the smaller man across his lap before sliding his right arm up the warm, tan thighs until he gripped Lance’s flushed, bouncing dick. 

Lance let his head drop back to rest of Shiro’s shoulders, his arms hanging at his sides, hands gripping the strong thighs underneath him. Shiro was holding him like a rag doll, taking all of his weight and maneuvering him like he weighed nothing. 

It took no time at all, only two firm pulls on his erection before Lance was coming, semen arching up and onto the bed. Shiro stroked him through it, his own thrusts never wavering, until Lance was mewling and shaking, his body rung dry like a rag. 

The second it was over, Shiro manhandled him back into a kneeling position, legs sprawled, and plunged back in. He set a punishing pace, his hips snapping forward with a loud slapping sound – thought it was almost drowned out from Lance’s wailing. 

“Lance,” Shiro moaned finally, sinking his teeth into the tawny skin of Lance’s shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark. His hips stuttered as he came, thrusting a few times more to prolong the feeling. 

Shiro’s legs slowly gave way, sliding out from beneath him, pushing Lance against the mattress with his body weight. He didn’t pull out immediately, pressing soft kisses into Lance’s neck and hair, humming slightly with contentment. 

When it became clear that Lance couldn’t breath and was merely pretended he was fine so Shiro would continue the cosseting, he slid out, still half hard, and rolled onto his back, hand coming up to pull Lance with him. 

They lay there for a bit, enjoying the afterglow, until Shiro sat up. 

“I would offer to get a washcloth, but honestly, I need a full shower.” He grimaced as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I wasn’t gonna say anything…” Lance trailed off, then rolled away giggling when Shiro shoved him playfully. 

“Oh, you like my hair so much now, just wait ‘til you see it washed!” 

Lance laughed, rolling to look at him. “I just showered a bit ago, but I do have your jizz dripping out of my ass, so I could probably benefit from a shower.”

“You would just waste my come like that?” Shiro looked mock offended, “It’s a precious resource, you gotta save it!” He pushed Lance back to keep him from standing, pulling his legs up into the air. 

“What, are you trying to knock me up?” Lance cried with laughter, letting himself be maneuvered. 

Shiro made a face, part disgust and part hilarity. It should have been hideous but of course it just made Shiro look even more adorable.

“Fuck,” Lance sat up. 

Shiro gave him a questioning look, until Lance said, “I’m so in love with you, it’s disgusting,” and then his face lit up, smile soft and warm.

“I love you too,” he said simply. 

He stood up from the bed, shameless in his nudity, and held a hand out to Lance. “Let’s go shower,” he said.

Lance nodded, taking his hand, and followed the man he loved into the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> [come say hi to me on my tumblr :)](http://thinkpinkwrites.tumblr.com)


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